The Quinn Show
by deeplyshallow
Summary: Quinn - the sexiest person ever, saves the universe.  Some people cope with shows not going the way they want by writing happy pieces. I deal with it by writing parodies.


**The result of me getting a little overexcited… You may be able to get a hint of my feelings for Quinn from this oneshot. (Really I've uploaded this on ff,net to keep all of my fanfic in one place, it's more for my LJ account.)  
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><p>Quinn woke up to the sight of sun sparkling through her beautiful window. Ever since she got elected president of the world and restored world peace and found the cure for cancer everyone loved her so they built her a huge palace made of rubies for her to live in.<p>

"Good morning my beautiful, sexy, wonderful, sexy wife," Barney greeted his wife sexily (he was naked btw), "you look really beautiful and sexy today."

"I know," said Quinn modestly.

"I want to have sex with you," said Barney.

"Yay!" said Quinn.

So they did. Graphically.

"I love you," said Barney (a long time) afterwards, "I'm so glad I married you, because you are so perfect and sexy."

"IKR!" said Quinn, "I'm so glad, you didn't marry that bitch Robin."

"Yeah," said Barney happily, "she was such a bitch."

"Yeah," said Quinn, "I can't believe some people actually shipped you two. I mean it's obvious that I was so much better match for you than a character that you had developed a relationship with for seven seasons."

"I know," said Barney sadly, "I can't believe some people actually wanted to deprive Becki Newton of her fantasy of fictionally marrying NPH."

"Well I'm glad the writers saw sense," said Quinn sensibly.

"Where are the gang anyway?" asked Barney curiously, "I haven't seen them for at least 10 episodes."

"That's because we've been too busy saving the universe and having graphic sex on TV," said Quinn knowledgably.

"Oh yeah," said Barney – "that's way better than seeing the gang, but still we should see them again – I know they cry tears of blood and slit their wrists when they don't see us regularly – because we are the only beacon of awesomeness in their lives."

"I know!" said Quinn in a cunningly sexy voice, "why don't we play a prank on them! We could tell them that I was dead!"

"Wouldn't that be mean?" asked Barney stupidly.

"No," said Quinn sassily, "you're really stupid Barney."

"Oh Quinn, how sexy and sassy you are!" said Barney amazedly, "so would it be a good idea then?"

"Yes," said Quinn beautifully, "it would be funny."

"You're right of course my beautiful vixen," said Barney worshipfully, "I am sorry I was so stupid. However can I repay you?"

"I know how," said Quinn in a sexily wise voice. And then they had more sex. Because Quinn is like a female Barney.

Then they went to McLaren's, the bar had been redecorated with lots of pictures of Quinn because her sexy face was the light of everyone's world. But Quinn used her magic powers of awesomeness to turn herself invisible.

The gang cheered when Barney entered. "Oh you're so sexy, but not as sexy as Quinn!" everyone chanted.

"I have really sad news," said Barney giggling because of their funny prank, "Quinn is dead." Suddenly the thought of his one true love and soul mate dying was so horrible that Barney started crying even though he knew she wasn't really dead.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the bar sadly, goffik black tears of pain and anguish poured down their faces like a black waterfall of death.

"But she was so young and beautiful," cried Lily tearfully, "I would much rather my son died than dear, beautiful, sexy Quinn."

"Me too," said Marshall tragically, "you two were like perfect for each other."

"I wish she had been the mother of my children," Ted mourned, "except my children would not have been as beautiful as your three children with her Barney – Love, Sexiness and Quinn Jr. will be so sad now their mother is gone."

"I know," said Barney sadly, "but I'm so glad we had children, because it was my sole desire in life. I could have never possibly married a woman who couldn't have children."

"I'm so glad you married Quinn Barney," said Robin fatly (she was very fat and ugly now), "because I am a bitch but Quinn is perfect for you. I deliberately stayed with Kevin to spite you and for no other reason and Quinn is so good and pure and would never do anything so mean ever and so you're much better off without me."

"IKR!" said Barney, "I don't think I ever really had feelings for you at all, Quinn is my soul mate – I've never felt this way for anyone before. Also she likes laser tag."

"Yeah I've never met any other woman who likes laser tag," said Ted sadly, "and now she is dead none other can replace her," and he started crying even more.

Then Barney and Quinn left the bar and Quinn turned visible again, "that was really funny!" she said laughingly.

"Yeah it was, my sexy true love," said Barney lovingly, "but shouldn't we tell them it was a funny prank now?" he asked annoyingly.

"No," said Quinn righteously, "it would be more funny if they got really depressed and commit suicide because I was dead."

"Yeah, you're right sexy Quinn," said Barney sexily, "That's really funny and stuff, let's hi-five!"

So they did.

Then they heard there was a rebellion on Pluto because the Plutonians were bitter about not being a planet. "Oh no!" said Quinn, "We must restore peace to the galaxy!"

So they called Quinn's multicoloured flying unicorn, Snuffles, and flew into space. The journey was like three hours so they had more graphic sex on the way.

When they got to Pluto everyone was fighting.

"Please don't do that," said Quinn sexily.

"Why?" asked the Plutonians askingly.

"Because I might get blood on my sexy stripper costume," said Quinn, "and Barney might get blood on his suit."

"Oh you're right, we're sorry," said the Plutonians, and peace was restored.

But the houses on Pluto were now all rubble because they had been fighting so much.

"Oh no!" said Barney sadly, "what shall we do?"

"I know," said Quinn cleverly, and she kissed Barney passionately, "suddenly there was a big flash and the power of their eternal love restored the Plutonians' houses so they were as good as new.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" they said.

And then Quinn and Barney had loads more graphic sex.

**The End.**

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><p>…I apologise for this fic's existence<p> 


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